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A letter to my other children...

This post is dedicated to Roo's two older brothers who I feel deserve a mention in this blog...I got the idea from two other blogs by - areyoukiddingney & theaandnatesmam

Dear Leo & Lucas,

As you both see this blog is all about your younger brother, the struggles and achievements of his life & raising awareness of life as an undiagnosed child...there have been many times over the past few years that you both have heard the words "he has special needs" & I want to say that you both are special too in your own unique ways...I don't want you both to think that Roo is the only "special" one...he isn't as you both are as well...

Its hard to put into words how much I love you both...you both along with your brother Roo are my miracles as you all were conceived with the help of fertility treatment so we got the family we always wanted. I feel so blessed to have you both in my life and no matter what happens you both will always have my love along with Daddy..

Our family life changed when Roo came into our world...at first everything was normal, we were all happy and you both adored your new baby brother, wanting to cuddle him all the time, stroke him and touch him even when he was asleep! You didn't want to leave him alone! As time went on and it became apparent that Roo had issues I thought you both were too young to understand and made sure you kept doing what you always did...but there were times when you both  resented the amount of time I had to spend with Roo, due to his feeding issues I had to breastfeed him till he was 16mths old so we very rarely got to spend individual time together , anything we did - playing games, reading books etc I always had Roo in my arms...this didn't mean that I loved him more than you both...far from it...I love you all equally but in order to ensure Roo got the nourishment he needed to grow I had no choice but keep feeding him almost constantly...it was hard, there were a lot of tears from both of you and myself but we got through it...As you both have grown up you have gotten used to being sent off to your grandma's & granddad's or left sitting in hospital waiting rooms while we attended the endless stream of appointments for Roo.. There have been moments when as Roo has gotten older you both resent his lack of understanding to why its wrong to wreck the model you both spent ages on building, you resented how he wouldn't leave your things alone, breaking things because he doesn't understand his own strength, resent how our family life revolved around him...during the dark days there were moments when you both wished he hadn't been born but you both said sorry almost straight away and feel guilty for saying it...

You have had more than your fare share Leo as you have experience bullying at school for having a disabled brother and parents...but now you are getting the help and support to help you understand your feelings and I can see the old Leo coming back and it makes me happy. Little did I know how much having a disabled family would affect you..To be honest I never gave it a thought, just assumed everyone would be accepting but unfortunately as you now know there are some ignorant people in the world. I hope you, Lucas, never have to experience what Leo has but if you every do, Leo will be there at your side helping you, advising you as the bond between you both is strong even though you fight like cat and dog some days! 

We are currently on the waiting list for possible respite,,, while I'm not keen I know it will be important as I really need to spend some time with you both without having to worry about Roo, I feel its important that you both get quality time with Mummy & Daddy, to do fun things together...I want you both to understand that we are always there for you, we love you both with all our heart and most importantly we want you to be happy and have happy memories with no worries or stress...
I admit that its been a very difficult journey for you both, having lots to deal with in your childhood but things are starting to change, we make sure that we each spend quality time with you both, whether its swimming, going to parks, playing games, building Lego together or simply lying in bed and reading a book or watching a DVD together...those times are precious and special..I love every minute of those times and I treasure them always...

You both can be rough with your younger brother, shout at him in frustration and moan about the annoying noises/actions he makes but the love you both have for him is so obvious, your eyes light up when you see him in the morning, you both ask to help to feed him, clothe him & even change his nappies! You both love to cuddle him and whenever he achieves something that may mean nothing to others you both know how much of a big achievement it actually is and you join in with the cheering, clapping and whooping!! You both understand why we celebrate every tiny achievement and I love seeing the look on your faces when I tell you Roo can now do this etc...

For a while we were lost in a whirlwind, drifting apart without realising, many tears shed but now we have learned to talk to each other about our feelings we are getting closer again. I can see changes in you both, changes for the good, You both have become a lot more caring and kind to others, you both are sensitive to others needs & are always wanting to help, you both are starting to become tolerant & accepting, you are learning to be responsible & independent. All which are good qualities to have and I hope you keep those as you both grow up into teenagers & adulthood.

I hope when you both are adults and come to read this blog about your brother that when you read this letter that you understand that Mummy & Daddy are trying our best and are proud of you both, of everything that you have become & achieved. We love you both from the bottom of our hearts...

Love always

Mummy xxx















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