School Refusal

School refusal was something I always thought happened to older children but I soon learned that it also applies to younger children.

 

Our first experience with school refusal with Fox was earlier this year. Thankfully her teachers at the time were amazing and helped to reassure Fox & find ways to help her anxieties at the time so we were able to get her comfortable back into school and I thought that would be it, that it was a one off. 

Summer holidays came and went. Fox returned to school and at first seemed to be settling in. But soon the school refusals started up again..a day there and another day there. A quick email to her TOD & teacher often helps to sort the issue that is bothering her and she returns the next day. But this past week has been the worse. She only managed to go into school for 2 days. I had a sense that something was going to happen as when she finished school on the Friday for the weekend she wasn't herself and didn't want to talk so I didn't push her. Come Monday it all came to a head and she broke down saying she couldn't go to school.

I have learned quite a lot this past week of trying to navigate Fox extreme anxiety. Trying to make her go into school is the one thing that can actually make things worse. It was clear that Fox was struggling so much that I decided to take her to the beach instead of going home from the school car park. 

We walked along, watching the waves crash onto the rocks, feeling the wind in our faces and watching our dog run around crazy in the sand. As I looked at Fox I could see all the worry & stress on her face go away to be replaced by a beaming smile and rosy cheeks. I had questioned myself if I was doing the right thing in allowing her to stay off but just watching her be her normal happy self at the beach told me that it was what she needed at that moment.

Several emails went back and forward with the TOD & her teacher . I'm truly thankful she has an amazing TOD who simply knows Fox so well, who totally gets her and goes out of her way to try and get to the bottom of the issues & find ways to get round them. I soon got the impression that her teacher seemed baffled by Fox as he said that she looked fine in class, that she showed no anxiety, didn't show that she was struggling. He had great things to say about her, how she was doing well, how she had managed to tell him some things. This makes me feel so proud how she is doing in school but at the same time I feel like her teacher doesn't believe me because he doesn't see the behaviours we see outwith school. This is one of the most frustrating parts of this journey. You desperately want everyone to see the real Fox, both good and bad as only that way is she able to get the full support she needs. In the meantime she has me & her Daddy fighting her corner. All we want is a happy, content girl who is able to be like her peers & enjoy school/ life without having her anxiety constantly weigh her down.

This picture below perfectly describes Fox. On the outside is what her teacher & others around her see, a happy , quiet child who does what she is told, who sits down to her work, who laughs, who loves to help others but in reality on the inside she has a whirlwind of emotions of anxiety, fear, worries & sadness for various reasons that she cannot show. She waits till she is with me or goes home and the dam breaks and everything she has held in that day comes pouring out, sometimes in drips and other times in huge gushes. This is what others don't see. Its heartbreaking to watch your child and know that there is nothing you can do to get rid of the anxiety.