Young Carers need support too..

 Its not easy being a young carer.

People often don't realise the pressures that many young carers experience in their lives. Quite often these children can slip through the net. 

I have 4 children, my older two are typical teenagers. But they have had many challenges over the years. My eldest sadly was bullied for a short while due to having a disabled brother and parents who had hidden disabilities. He was then invited to join a young carers group which he struggled to fit in as he was the youngest in that group and didn't know anyone, he was so worried about his friends finding out that he went to this group so he decided to withdraw from the group. That time years ago there wasn't much done for Young Carers , only a weekly group which doesn't always suit some children. So he plodded along school life and made sure to keep his family life seperate, he wouldn't talk to others about his family life, he resented having to have his life revolve around his younger siblings. He isn't a person who has a lot of emotions, tend to keep them hidden. While he loves his younger siblings he struggles with their challenges but he does try to help out now that he is an adult.

My second born L is the opposite of his older brother as he has always been an emotional child, likes to get involved with his younger siblings especially Roo as they both have a special bond as L is often the only one Roo will listen to. L has always expressed an interest in helping me with Roo over the years and I've always let him as he seemed happy enough to do so. As Roo has gotten older he has become more challenging in some ways which L has struggled with at times. I had to inform his school about him being a Young Carer as he was no longer able to go to registration due to the difficulties we were having with Roo with transitioning espeically in the mornings.

Then last year something in L changed, he started to struggle a lot, became argumentive, had less patience for his younger siblings. When I look back I think it all started when Roo started having seizures and we were at the hospital for an emergency appointment and L had accompanied me to the appointment like he had done many times in the past but I suggest he went to school instead but he refused point blank and wanted to come so I let him. Unfortunately he heard some things being said about his brother like how he is high risk of SUDEP which is basically dying in his sleep due to the type of seizures he has. After the meeting L bombarded me with many questions and I tried my best to ease his concerns. 

He was already seeing a Young Carers person who came to the school to do a couple of assessments with him and he expressed his concerns to her about SUDEP and he got support from her. But he did admit to me that he felt overwhelmed as the assessment showed that he had high care needs and he said that it made him feel awful so he started to rebel and lash out in the only way he knew - verbally.

When he returned to school after the summer break unknown to me he was no longer attending his classes and school failed to inform me until almost 4 wks later. An emergency meeting was held and it was decided that L to do some work expierence as he was struggling with school. He did the work experience for 3 mths and enjoyed himself but he felt pressured by the school to  go to college. He went for the interview and totally freaked out once he came home saying he was confused, didn't know what to do, felt overwhelmed with everything. 

He is now back in school but unfortunately has missed so much that he cannot do his Nat 5 exams this year and instead has to do them in S5. But he is having to have a part time table as he cannot deal with a full day in school and I know the main reason why..... he is a Young Carer who is struggling mentally and unfortunately some of the teachers aren't supportive.

I think its so much easier in primary as children tend to have one teacher throughout the year and they are able to form a good relationship etc. But high school is a different kettle of fish. They have so many different teachers throughout the day for each diffrerent subject. There is very little communication between the teachers so when they see a child struggling, or misbehaving they simply don't have the time to actually have a quick conversation to get to the root of the problem. L told me that when he started going back to school this year he was often put down by the teachers because he had missed too much classes , that he should leave and go to college or they had developed the opinion that he just couldn't be bothered to do his work but in hindsight the way they were talking to him, the way they didn't listen when he tried to explain sometimes made him resent them and act out. He then is labeled as a "difficult " child.

There needs to be a system in place especially in high school where all teachers are informed if a child is a Young Carer and may need extra support. It doesn't cost much to spare 5 mins to check on the child that they are ok or if they have any struggles and trying to come up with a solution instead of just giving up on that child or constantly telling them how disappointed they are in them, It does nothing for their mental health.

Today L is away with a group of other Young Carers to spend some time just relaxing and playing bowling, then going for some lunch. He only agreed to go because one of the other children he got to know well at school and he learned he was a young carer too, so L was keen to go. Before he didn't want to go because he felt it would make him different to his friends. L is at the age where he feels the peer pressure and worries how others may think of him but by knowing that one of his friends was a Young Carer too gave him the confidence to go on this trip. I am glad he did as his face lit up when he spoke about how his friend was also a young carer and how he was going on the trip with him. I saw that L no longer felt he was the odd one out. I am so glad that there are a lot more on offer to young carers now compared to years ago for my eldest. 

Its not easy at all...a lot more needs to be done especially in secondary schools with regards to supporting the children to enable them to get an education like their peers. Too many fall through the net like L. I can only hope that now that his guidence teacher knows how stressful L life is at the moment that they can better support L and that L will be able to continue his studies .These young carers need adults to make more time for them, to actually listen to them instead of fobbing them off and ensuring they get the full support they need. 

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