Battling with anxiety

Anxiety is a feeling we all experience but some more than others.

As you know Fox was diagnosed with selective mutism when she was just 3yrs old. Selective mutism is a severe anxiety disorder which prevents the person from being able to speak in certain situations.

Fox's ability to speak depends on where she is, who she is with, what the situation is at the time & her feelings at that moment. Thankfully she gets a lot of support in her school who have a good understanding of selective mutism & know the dos & don'ts of dealing with it.

In the last few months it's become clear that her anxiety is started to affect her a lot more. She was invited to 2 of her classmates birthday parties which she was keen to go to but the day before you could see her anxiety building up, affecting her behaviour & feelings. We tried everything to reassure her, comfort her but when the day came she couldn't do it. Instead we just went for a walk by the sea & played games.

Last weekend she was invited to yet another birthday party, the day before she complained she had a sore tummy, she felt sick & didn't want to come on a visit to a cafe to meet up with her Grandma & cousin which isn't like her at all so she ended up staying at home with her Daddy. Later that night it transpired that it wasn't that she was coming down with something, it was anxiety that was making her feel ill. I asked what was wrong & she said she couldn't go to the party the following day as she was too "shy". She is becoming aware that she is unable to speak to familiar people in a different situation than normal. I felt so sad for her as she clearly had been thinking about it constantly, worrying to the point it almost made her ill. She was very clingy that night & all I could do was cuddle her to sleep.

Anxiety is invisible to many, it lurks in the shadows in silence. Once it finds a gap it sneaks through & enjoys causing choas inside one's body. 

People see Fox screaming, thinking "oh she is spoilt" when in reality she is overwhelmed with all her emotions & screaming is her way of letting go of her frustration that she isn't understood. 

People comment on how she won't look at them or speak to them, I see a child who is terrified at being spoken to as she isn't sure of the person or because its in the wrong place so her selective mutism /anxiety takes over her. 

People see her crying and say "oh she crying again or she is very emotional", I see a child who cannot communicate how she is feeling, that she is uncomfortable, that she is sad because she doesn't understand or because she feels the anxiety inside her. 

Fox has become good at trying to hide her anxiety, but it ends up building up as the day goes on and then as soon as she is with me, her safety net, her safe place, she then erupts & I have deal with the aftermath. Anxiety doesn't just affects her as it causes ripples which then affects all the family. 

If there was one thing I could take away from her, it's not her deafness, it's not her selective mutism, it's not her Waardenburg syndrome but it's her anxiety. 

Anxiety is so misunderstood, people don't realise how much it affects a person let alone a 5yr old child who is yet to fully understand what it is and how much it affects her. People often see her looking OK but don't realise the anxiety underneath bubbling away waiting for a moment to break through the surface. 

All I can do is to be there for her, cuddle her & tell her "it's OK we can try another day".