Why talking is hard sometimes.

Today we went shoe shopping, something that Fox loves to do as for some reason she is slightly obsessed about shoes! Every shop we go to that has shoes she will smile and say "look" then proceed to sit down waiting for me to try them on her! So funny! 

I tend to just go to supermarkets etc and buy her shoes from there because it's cheaper ,also they get damaged so easily, outgrown so quickly..I just get her feet measured regularly to make sure of the sizes. It was time to have them checked to see what size she was as she had a growth spurt recently.

We had a quick look at the various shoe styles while waiting for a staff member to become available. She comes over with the foot measuring device and a tablet..Fox immediately goes silent, grabs my hand. The lady asks her "how old are you" I click on no 3 then she was asked what her favourite colour was..she froze..I signed to her but she couldn't tell me in sign so I just clicked on pink as I know she likes it .

Next comes the shoes...Fox won't move so I gently guide her to the edge of the chair to allow the lady to put the shoes on, Fox fingers instantly go in her mouth - this is something she does when she feels unsecure, unsure or uncomfortable. I reassure her through out it all. The time comes for her to try walking..she manages a few steps but then freezes, starts to get a bit distressed so I said to her "it's ok, we don't need to go a walk." She calmed down & sat back on chair. Lady tried to ask her if she wanted those shoes ( she had the choice between 2 different shoes) but Fox bowed her head, hid behind my arm. The lady sensing that Fox needs some space asks me if it would be easier if she went away for a min. As soon as she was out of sight Fox looked at me, you could see the nervousness slowly drain from her face & body language change to slightly more relaxed. When I asked her which one she wanted she immediately chose the red boots. I paid for them , thanked the lady for everything she had done to make it easier. Soon as we are outside the shop Fox starts talking /signing all excited about her new shoes.

It's almost like 2 separate children..one is the anxious, extremely shy girl who is silent & the other is happily chatting away with ease.

After a chat with her ST (speech therapist) selective mutism was brought up. I had heard of it before but didn't understand what it meant so she gave me a bunch of papers which explained it all. Her consultant paediatrician also said she thought it could be SM . 

It made so much sense in many ways when I read all the info..it explained why in some situations she speaks to me and others she is unable to, it explains why the cochlear team have never heard her speak unless they hide out of her sight, the various other professionals involved in her care have the same in where they've either not heard her speak or only heard her if they were out of sight. She does speak to her teacher of the deaf though as she has known her since she was a newborn, she will happily talk to her in nursery but if her TOD isn't there then she doesn't communicate with the other adults.

 At least it's been picked up while she is so young, so we can understand how to help her and hopefully over time she will become less anxious. But I'm aware it could take years but at least we know how to make it easier for her, to build up her confidence gradually.