Getting older is hard at times

We have always been a family who have regular days out, go on caravan holidays without needing to plan ahead. We could wake up one morning and spontaneously decide to go to someplace & all would be fine. We didn't expect that as Roo grew older that these things would change.

First was the caravan holidays that we went every year had to come to a stop as Roo could no longer deal with these holidays as he would spend a lot of it screaming, crying or just struggling generally. So we switched to holiday cottages/lodges which was easier on Roo, we've been to Centre Parcs several times and the kids all have a fab time there as it's safe with no cars allowed to drive inside except on the days people arrive/depart. Theres plenty of space to roam etc. 

This year we decided to try a holiday cottage in a holiday village but on the day we were due to go there was a problem with the booking and we had to move to a different cottage in a different place. As we were already on the road we decided to just accept it and hope for the best. It was in the middle of nowhere!! Which meant we had to travel every day to go visit places & by the 5th day Roo had enough..but the bonus was that there was a huge fenced garden for them to play in , & the house was massive that Roo could run around (Foxy too) to his heart content. We just had to make sure all breakable were hidden away etc. But on the 5th day Roo discovered how to open the windows & as it's a cottage the windows were low level meaning they could climb out. Several times he escaped out of the windows downstairs but that meant he could no longer have the run of the house as he tried to do it from upstairs windows..so we came home early. 

The beautiful big garden.

Over the past year Roo has taken a liking to staying at home rather than go out. This is not how he normally is as he loves the outdoor & loves to do outdoorsy things but he has struggled a lot with transitions. It started with school at first and now its starting with days out at wkds or holidays. He needs a lot of persuading, & sometimes we can get him to co operate and excited but there are some days where he just cannot process, shuts down so we stay in.

I must admit I have struggled massively with that, long gone are the days where we could just jump into car and go anywhere we like. We now have to plan where to go, how long, is it safe, is it quiet etc the list is endless. I also have come to the realisation that I need another person with me at all times when I have the younger two. Foxy is at an age where she wants to be independent & I'm loving it but at the same time it's awful as with her being deaf she doesn't understand the danger yet of running off, she doesn't hear me yell for her, she doesn't understand why Roo is the way he is so she is copying him all the time combined with some sensory issues so it makes everything just that bit harder. It may get easier as she gets older and understands more as her language expands. At the moment its still limited. 

Today I had a slimming class, my mum also attends but today she was on holiday so I decided that I would only take one of the young ones with me so I left Foxy with her oldest brother as he struggles with Roo so I took him with me. I explained what was happening &he was fine. As soon as we got to the building where the class was he shut down completely,  there was no talking to him, no amount of persuasion was going to work. He wasn't going into this building full stop. After 30 mins I gave up & we walked back to the car came home & he was all happy. I felt so defeated & it's made me worry about the future as he gets older I can no longer carry him like I used to. His wheelchair isn't safe so cant use it (building not wheelchair accessible anyway) . I worry that my other kids will miss out. 

It will take me a while to get used to the new "normal" for us. But for now I guess I just feel sad about how hard Roo finds it in the outside world & only hope that it gets better one day.

My handsome Roo..love him to the moon & stars 😍